Thursday, May 8, 2014
A Short Story: Conscious and the Chemistry Exam Life Crises
I think it’s time for me to write a story.
Even in the middle of a Chemistry exam?
Yes. Because I don’t care about school anymore.
Or the future.
Or life in general. So I think I want to write a story, and repudiate this exam, right now.
Yeah, that’s definitely a possible contender in your next step towards a viable future, but consider the possibility that maybe, just maybe, that might-not-be-the-best choice for you right now, you know?
What. I didn’t even ask you. You just automatically decided to pop up into my ongoing system of thoughts here, completely disregarding any common courtesy within my human brain. So disrespectful… So disrespectful.
Look, I know... It’s my job to interrupt 99% of all the decisions all humans make before they actually make them, and it sucks, it really sucks. You don’t think I’ve heard worse declarations of objection to what is basically my life? Yeah, well, I have, and it’s not pretty. But it’s my job. Without me, the world would be a lot more horrible than it already is, so people should be thanking me; getting on their freaking hands and knees for me; but all I get is terror and remorse.
What’s your name again?
Well Conscience, you are a son of a bitch.
A son of a bitch who saves the freaking world.
I know, I know.
You didn’t do so great with Hitler though man. That was a major mess-up on your part.
Yeah, I know. That whore just didn’t want to cooperate. And his stupidity levels were off the chart, so....
Yeah, but then there was Stalin too.
And Andrew Jackson.
Yeah, that was not cool.
OKAY I GET IT. Those aren’t exactly the highlights of my career.
Don’t worry, I get it. Humans are the worst…
Conscience, I’m having an unnecessary existential life crises right now, aren’t I?
It’s just that, I don’t know; I just wish I didn’t care so much about grades, or school, or the way society sees me or how I want them to see me. Why do I care? That’s the question, you know, Why? Supposedly it’s all for the future. You know, like college, and a career, and success. But I don’t even know what I want for the future. The worst part is, I want to make a difference. I want to help. I want to change the freaking world. But can I? Will I? Those are the daunting questions that at its prime make my life miserable, and the fact that it seems that the only way society will allow me to change the world is if I have the best grades, go to the best college, win the most awards, and all that crap. And the thing is, I’m just….
You’re scared. You’re really fucking scared. Don’t worry man, I get it. I get scared all the time, and I've seen people get scared all the time The greatest people that have ever lived on this planet are the people that have been more scared than any other human being on this planet, from Martin Luther King Jr., to Gandhi, to Abraham Lincoln, and onward. Everyone needs to fear, to rise up and battle the fears themselves. We don’t get anywhere without fear. The greatest strength that fear gives humans is the ability to overcome that fear, and move forwards.
Conscience, are you Fear?
Well, I guess you could say that, but really I’m just one little part of it. Fear is way too messed up to be just me anyways. I just try to regulate and guide Fear; but you’ll see, in the end, it’s up to the human to decide what to do with Fear. It’s a really messed up thing, I know.
Okay. Well, I have 30 minutes left for this Chemistry exam, so I think I’ll finish it up. I’ll despise every question with all my being, yes- but I’ll finish this test trying.
Hey, and remember, even if you don’t get that A, you’ll still change the world; you’ll still make a difference, because you’re a human being, and a human being can do anything.
I don’t think I can write a story anymore though, time is at the essence, after all.
Well, I think you already did.